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No Personal Empowerment

John Gave Away his Power to the Past

“If you keep running into the same wall over and over again, turn.”
― Crystal DeLarm Clymer

 Like so many of my clients, 49 year-old John has been working on his  Personal Journey of Transformation.  As I was working with this particular man over the months, it struck me that he, as most of my clients do, keep  blaming others for his unhappiness.  He took no personal responsibility.  He had no personal empowerment.

How can I help John realize he would be happier if he  took responsibility for your life?  What is  the catalyst for his inner transformation?

When John was in session, he kept going on and on about how he shouldn’t have married his wife. He complained ad nauseum  that  she is bringing him down.  Then John continues on his “whoo is me” tirade describing in detail  how he doesn’t want to get out of the marriage for numerous reasons.   He then trashed his job.  Eventually John goes into the “what if” game.  What if he took another job 20 years ago?  What if he returned to school and earned his advanced degree 10 years ago?

John also has a debilitating neurological condition similar to Muscular Dystrophy (MS).   He is loosing strength in his extremities.   He will one day be in a wheel chair and that day is quickly approaching.  John has been chasing “miracle cures” for the past 10 years.  He continues to slowly decline and he looks at the past with regrets wondering what he should have done differently to change his current situation. He was always looking at the past wondering “what if___________?”

He is seeking a personal transformation but places the blame for his life squarely on other’s shoulders.  He continually blames others and circumstances for his unhappiness.  Since John doesn’t have a sense of personal empowerment, where can he find it?   It was as if John was afraid of having his own personal transformation.

Letting Go of the Past and Starting His Inner Transformation

John admitted he has been complaining about his life for at least the past 25 years!  For TWENTY-FIVE YEARS – half his life – he has been blaming his spouse, his finances, his job, and his situation for not being happy!  This was going to take much more then a course named 40 Days to Personal Transformation!   It was time to empower himself and his life!

I asked him how he would feel if he just accepted his life for WHAT IT WAS.  He was in a marriage he didn’t enjoy but needed his partner, he was not financially independent, and he was slowly loosing the use of his legs and will be permanently wheel chair bound in a few years.  He was flabbergasted by my suggestion!

“NO -WAY,  I don’t want those things,” was John’s immediate response.

But when faced with the option of divorce, he chooses to stay with his wife because of his declining health (it is a valid reason to stay), when faced with getting a better job, he chooses to stay in his current position because of the time he can stay in his own home.  His inner transformation would come when he accepted his current situation as real.

The Start of John’s Personal Transformation

Couple in the park

Personal Empowerment Leads to Personal Transformation

John is paying me a significant amount of money for body-mind therapy.  What question could I ask him so he could finally realize has given away his personal empowerment in his journey of personal transformation?

Again, I asked him, you are choosing to stay in your situation, why don’t you just ADMIT TO YOURSELF that you are a not financially wealthy, soon to be physically handicapped individual in a none too pleasing marriage?  “Can you can start from there, in the present?  Can you let the regrets of the past go?”

Eventually, John saw the benefits of living life from the present moment.  He  decided to work form his not to pleasant situation.  He decided, even though hard, he would try not to blame his past.  He seemed to embrace his own personal empowerment.

Stay tuned…Next week’s blog will be on how John handled his personal empowerment and inner transformation.

 

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  • http://www.theinnerconnection.net/icblog Sharon K. Hepburn

    This was emailed to me

    “This is a good blog post and it reminds me of the Mindful Loving book, which made me realize more than ever that I am in charge of my life and how I think and feel. It is really a gentle but powerful way towards taking personal responsibility. Not sure I would have gotten out of it as much as I did without your help at the time I was reading it. Just wanted to bring it back into your awareness as a possible resource for others who want to work on this.”